Today I got a call from a woman who worked in the HR department of some tech. company. She informed me that I was listed as a reference by a contractor who had until recently worked for us. As she uttered his name I was greeted by feelings of surprise, elation, and guilt.
The contractor who she was referring to had been the bane of my existence for the past few months. He had taken advantage of my sympathy during Hurricane Katrina and used it as a prolonged excuse to stop traveling to our Dallas office. He would give exaggerated estimates and still not accomplish his tasks by those deadlines. He would be openly rude towards other employees and try to use me as a shield. He even resisted coming into the office after I, others at my company, and the company we contracted him through had directly instructed him to do. On top of all that, the work that he did do was sub par. Unfortunately at the time given our company’s restrictions on how we hired contractors and the limited availability of resources with the expertise he claimed to have; I had no option but to make due with him.
So today when I got the phone call the first thought that passed through my head was… “Holy shit… that stupid fuck listed me as a reference… it’s my turn now bitch!” While as merited as any diatribe from me regarding his lack of skills and work ethic might be; I was confronted with another reality as I poised myself to answer the first question, “This man has two small kids and a wife”.
I found myself paralyzed with guilt and indecision. On one hand I felt compelled to be honest and upfront. Not only did he deserve it, but I had an obligation to my profession and my colleagues. On the other, my actions would have real consequences. This was no longer me complaining to my peers or my friends about his ineptitude. A family’s livelihood rested on what I was about to say.
As much as most of us purport to be assholes, most of the time the ‘asshole’ comments and actions we make have superficial repercussions. This time things were a bit different. Like a game the pieces were laid out in front of me and yet I knew my next move would change the reality of someone else’s life.
If given more time to decide which side of the line to stand on I’m not sure what I would have chosen – compassion or honesty. Time was not my ally however so I chose honesty. As much as I dislike ineptitude, I despise dishonesty even more. If he had simply been a bad developer I think I would have told the lady that he was a hard worker but somewhat inexperienced. But given all his misbehaviors I felt compelled to rat him out so to speak. I did restrain myself from ranting to her about all his antics, and only responded directly to her questions.
I hope for his and his family’s sake that sooner than later that he’ll realize that he has more to lose than to gain by being dishonest. (And that he shouldn’t list me as a reference).
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